When Mentorship Gets Hard: The Balance of Encouragement and Truth
As a leadership mentor, my heart’s desire is always to see the person I’m mentoring grow—in their confidence, performance, and purpose. That growth doesn’t happen by chance; it happens through both encouragement and constructive feedback.
Some days, my role is to cheer someone on when they can’t see their own progress. Other days, it’s to lovingly point out areas where growth is needed. Both are vital. Yet, not everyone receives feedback the same way.
For some, words of affirmation come easily—“You’re doing great!” feels safe and satisfying. But when that same encouragement is paired with honest reflection or challenge, the tone shifts. Suddenly, constructive feedback can be heard as criticism.
I’ve mentored people who’ve celebrated my encouragement but resisted my honesty. In a few cases, I’ve even been “fired” as a mentor—or quietly dismissed—because I wouldn’t simply echo flattery. That’s not mentorship; that’s performance review avoidance dressed in friendship.
To this point, I’ve never “fired” a mentee. But I’d be lying if I said it isn’t exhausting when someone resists the very process designed to help them flourish. It feels disrespectful—not to me personally, but to the growth God desires for them.
The Heart of True Mentorship
Mentorship isn’t about control; it’s about stewardship. It’s walking beside someone for a season—sharing what you’ve learned, what’s worked, and what hasn’t—so that one day they can walk beside someone else.
A healthy mentorship involves encouragement that builds confidence, accountability that sharpens growth, wisdom that comes from experience, and grace for mistakes balanced with truth for correction.
It’s a “pay it forward” process rooted in discipleship. I often reflect on the mentors who poured into my life—those who corrected me when my pride resisted and those who loved me enough to speak truth, not comfort. I’ve had to ask forgiveness for the times I didn’t receive that truth well. Growth often comes wrapped in discomfort.
Jesus: The Greatest Mentor
Jesus modeled perfect mentorship. He encouraged, taught, and equipped His disciples—but He also corrected them when necessary.
When Peter’s passion led him astray, Jesus didn’t sugarcoat the truth: “But Jesus turned and said to Peter, ‘Get behind me, Satan! You are a snare to me because you are not thinking the things of God, but the things of men.’” (Matthew 16:23)
Later, when Peter impulsively drew his sword to defend Jesus during His arrest, Jesus again redirected him: “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword… Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels?” (Matthew 26:52-53)
These weren’t words of condemnation—they were words of guidance and spiritual alignment. Jesus was refining Peter’s heart and preparing him for leadership. The correction wasn’t punishment; it was preparation.
Can you imagine how that felt for Jesus? He spent years mentoring His disciples—teaching, explaining, modeling the way of the Kingdom—and still, some misunderstood, resisted, or even betrayed Him. Yet His love never wavered. His purpose stayed constant.
Paul’s Example: Mentorship in Action
The Apostle Paul also exemplified godly mentorship. He poured into Timothy, Titus, and others—imparting not only knowledge but also boldness and endurance.
He reminded Timothy: “Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.” (2 Timothy 4:2)
Paul didn’t mentor from a pedestal; he mentored from experience. He understood failure, repentance, and grace. His words to his mentees were sometimes strong, but always grounded in love and purpose.
A true mentor sees who you can become—and helps remove what’s standing in the way.
Mentorship as a Reflection of Discipleship
When done well, mentorship mirrors discipleship. It’s not just about career performance or leadership skills—it’s about character, humility, and spiritual maturity.
Every mentor and mentee relationship is an opportunity for both people to grow. The mentee learns wisdom and confidence; the mentor learns patience and dependence on God’s grace.
When feedback feels uncomfortable, that’s often the Holy Spirit’s refining work. Proverbs reminds us: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
Iron sharpening iron is not gentle—it’s friction. But the result is strength and purpose.
Final Reflections
If you’re a mentor—be faithful to truth and grace. Don’t withhold honesty out of fear of rejection.
If you’re a mentee—receive feedback as a gift, not a wound. Growth never happens in comfort zones.
At its best, mentorship is a holy exchange: one heart investing in another for the sake of God’s greater purpose.
Let’s walk beside one another—not just to make each other feel good, but to help each other become good, godly, and grounded in truth.
