Healing is Hard

I recently had another hip replacement and am currently recovering. My first experience with this was seven years ago, and looking back, I realized I waited too long before doing anything about it.

At first, I was in denial that I even needed surgery. Then I tried bargaining my way out of it by ignoring the pain, minimizing it, or convincing myself that rest would somehow fix everything. But the pain did not go away — it only became worse.

Physical therapy hurt. Recovery was exhausting. There were moments I questioned why I was putting myself through it at all. “Bone on bone,” they said, offering no real alternatives beyond surgery.

This time, when the pain began again, I knew what to expect. I understood it would eventually worsen, yet I still found myself slipping into denial, minimizing, and rationalizing. Even though I approached this surgery more proactively, I still questioned myself.

Was I making too big of a deal out of this?

The hip did not hurt all the time, so part of me wondered if I was rushing into something unnecessary.

When I shared my decision with others, I received all kinds of opinions. Some responses came from a place of love and protection. Others were shaped by people’s own experiences and fears. Everyone seemed to have an idea of what I needed.

Some celebrated with me and encouraged me forward. Others tried to dissuade me from having the surgery altogether. If I am honest, a few of those voices got into my head and joined the rationalization already happening within me.

But here I am — recovering.

There is pain. My leg has been sliced open. There are unfamiliar foreign objects now replacing my hip. There is swelling, bruising, discomfort, and disruption to my daily routine. This recovery has also affected my husband, whose routines and responsibilities have shifted as he helps care for me.

It is not easy.

But there is also understanding.

I know this pain is temporary. I know healing is happening beneath the surface. I know that eventually I will move more freely and live with less pain than before. Had I continued avoiding the surgery, things would have only worsened and further limited my mobility and quality of life.

In the mist of all of this I have some unexpected blessings of care from my husband and family, a surprise gift basket with fruit and flowers, a gift bag of goodies, and many well wishes. There are blessings all around.

Emotional healing is often much the same.

Therapy can feel a lot like surgery. We avoid it because we deny, minimize, or rationalize our emotional pain. We tell ourselves we are “fine.” We convince ourselves we should be able to handle it on our own. We compare our struggles to others and decide our pain is not “bad enough” to deserve help.

But deep down, we often know things are not getting better.

When people begin considering therapy, they frequently encounter the opinions of others. Some people encourage healing, while others discourage it — often because of their own discomfort, fears, experiences, or unmet needs.

Healing emotionally can be painful. Growth requires change, and change often disrupts familiar patterns, behaviors, and even relationships. Sometimes healing means grieving what was lost, confronting what was avoided, or learning healthier ways of living.

That work is hard.

But remaining emotionally “bone on bone” is hard too.

Left untreated, emotional pain often deepens over time. Anxiety grows louder. Resentment hardens. Relationships suffer. The ability to move freely through life becomes more and more restricted. The scars deepen.

And sometimes, emotional pain appears unexpectedly — much like my second hip replacement. I thought everything was going along fine until suddenly it was not. Life has a way of revealing wounds we thought had healed or struggles we believed we could continue managing alone.

Healing is not always comfortable, but it is often necessary.

So do not be afraid to reach out and talk with someone. Finding the right therapist may take time and exploration, but do not give up. There are many of us, and sometimes a therapist is meant to walk with you for only a season of your life.

Even temporary support can help bring lasting healing.

And while healing may hurt for a while, continuing to live in unnecessary pain hurts far longer. The unexpected blessings from emotional healing will reveal themselves and allow gratitude to take over.